The Color of Sacrifice 牺牲的颜色 – Chapter 21
The story of a young Chinese peasant’s search for a better life and the Long March ... 中国青年农民寻找更好的生活与长征的故事 by 作者: Ramses Rashidi 华蓝星
Chapter 21 A Difficult Decision
In the morning, Ping got a letter from his wife and family. He was so excited to receive the letter and read the reaction of his wife to the bad news of him losing a leg in the war. He carefully opened the envelope, where there were two letters. One from his wife and one from his mom and dad.
“My dear husband, I received your letter and poem about losing your leg. My heart is broken, and I cannot stop the tears. I don’t know what to say. Do you have a lot of pain? How do you feel? I wish I was there with you. I am very grateful to the Liang Family for taking care of you. I am waiting anxiously to see you. I am waiting for you. I don’t know how to express my feelings. All I can say is that I miss you very much. Our little girl is growing up and I show her your picture almost every day. She has a beautiful smile just like your smile. She now can say a few words like Mama and Baba. The family is OK and everything is good. Please come home.”
Ping could not hold back his tears as he read the letter from his wife. His tears were dripping on the letter and washing away some of the characters which were written in ink.
Ping was torn. Clearly his wife wanted him to go home. At the same time, he felt that he needed to go back and join the Red Army to finish what he had started. He stared at a calendar on the wall. After a few minutes he opened the second letter from his parents.
“Dear son, our heart is bleeding for your loss. We are happy that you are alive. We heard about the battle of the Xiang River and that it was a big loss of many lives. We are waiting to welcome you home. Your daughter is most beautiful. Mei is doing ok but she cries a lot since she received your letter. Please come back to your home. - Mom and dad”
Ping closed his eyes as tears kept flowing down his cheeks. He was again wondering if he should go home when he recovers. He had lots of conflicting messages in his mind and heart.
Ping decided to go outside and sit by the fountain to get some fresh air. Teacher Liang’s dad – Mr. Liang- was killing a chicken by the kitchen. Ping himself had killed many chickens in his lifetime. But today it seemed like he had a hard time looking at the scene of a chicken being killed. He felt a level of sensitivity, like never before in his life. Something inside him had changed. The tremendous pain that he had gone through. The loss of his leg. The pain of being away from his family. In his heart, he wanted an end to the misery, separations, violence and killings.
Ping went back to his room to rest and reflect on his life. He was going through some intense emotions. A couple hours went by. Lots of ideas were going through his mind. It was an intense display of emotions.
Mr. Liang came in with lunch which was chicken and fried rice. For the first time in his life Ping could not each the chicken. He was really struggling with his emotions and thoughts.
Mr. Liang looked at Ping for a few seconds without saying anything. He didn’t know how to react.
“Are you OK, my son?” Mr. Liang asked as he sat down.
“I just read the letter from my wife and parents.” Ping replied as he wiped his tears “It’s a very difficult time for me. My family want me to go home. I don’t know what to do.”
Mr. Liang was quiet as he listened carefully. “Well, you still have to recover for at least a couple of more months, according to the doctors, before you can travel. You have to be patient and think carefully before you make a decision. It would be also good if you could talk to my son during your discussions at night. Meanwhile think of us as your family.” Mr. Liang’s comments were good to hear. It was like throwing water on fire.
“I am so grateful to your family for taking care of me. I really feel that you are my family as well. Your wisdom gives me hope and helps me feel better. I need to meditate and make a decision soon.” Ping responded to Mr. Liang as he kept looking at the letters which he had placed on top of the prayer book.
……….
Three months went by. Ping was getting better. He had many discussions with teacher Liang and there were a few more letters to and from his family. Each letter repeating the plea for Ping to go home.
Ping together with teacher Liang went to the hospital for a final check and confirmation from the doctors that he could travel.
“Your leg has healed and there are no infections. So now if you wish to travel it’s OK. just be careful not to fall, use the crutches and hope you can eventually can get a prosthetic leg if possible. We don’t have that here but many hospitals in the larger cities offer that service.” The doctor explained to Ping as he finished his examination of his leg.
That night Ping consulted with teacher Liang, his wife – teacher Li and his parents - Mr. and Mrs. Liang about his decision whether to join the red Army again during the Long March or go back home to his wife and family in Jiangxi.
Teacher Li who had not given Ping her opinion before also spoke out. “Thinking about you wife, you little daughter and family, I feel that it might be better to go home. Plus, it’s going to be very difficult to join the Red Army in your conditions. I am sorry to speak so openly. I hope you can think of me as your sister. I am just saying what I feel is the right decision.”
“Ping, I know we have talked about this decision a few times and I know how you feel. Of course, this is a decision that you only can make. We can give you our suggestions but you will have to live with your decision.” Teacher Liang explained with great humility.
Ping was truly touched by what he heard. “I am grateful for your hospitality and sharing your wisdom. The last few months has been the most difficult time of my life and your family’s kindness and care has made it possible for me to deal with my pain and hardship as I plan the next stage of my life.” Ping paused at this point to gather his thoughts and to talk about his decision.
“I have thought about this a hundred times since I lost my leg and even before that when I went home to see my family for a short time. It’s a very difficult decision. On one hand I want to be with my family and see my daughter as she grows up. I miss my wife and I know that she feels the same way. My parents and siblings have also written to me a few times expressing their wish for me to go back.” Ping paused again as his tears rolled down his face. Teacher Liang walked over to Ping’s chair and sat next to him as he held his hand and put his arm around him. Ping wiped off his tears and continued.
“I have decided to finish what I have started and join the Red Army again as I have promised myself to give my all to the cause of communism. I know it will be difficult and I might even lose my life. But this is what I told myself when I joined the communist forces that nothing will stop me from achieving the goal. My country needs me now and I think my family will be proud of me for doing the right thing. I know that with patience we will successful. We can make China a better place for everyone.”
Teacher Liang was touched by what Ping had to say. He also had tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Ping, you are a very special person. We are grateful to know you and to be able to serve you. Your spirit gives us hope for a bright future. I know with your dedication and commitment to our country and humanity, we are good hands. I am sure you will succeed and China will be a better place for all of us.”
Mr. Liang also walked over to Ping’s chair and gave him a hug as Ping tried to standup and hug both teacher Liang and his father. By now, teacher Li was in tears as she was also touched by the heroic decision of Ping to join the Red Army again.
The next day, early in the morning, Ping got up and put all his stuff in a small bag to start his journey. He had been following the movement of the Red Army and knew that they were in Sichuan. Teacher Liang went with him to the bus terminal.
© 2021 Ramses Rashidi
A heavy sigh as we move forward towards...what? And we think of our own trials, what they have taught us, and what can simply never be forseen.